Argh... long time no update..

Been so busy working, and still enjoying it, so it's all good!

However, that also makes me incredibly boring as nothing much else has been happening.

The soul searching has been continuing... and i've made a few realisations about who i am etc. THe results are all good tho. Some credit has to go to a smart young man, who recently told me that broken hearts don't mend all by themselves, they sometimes need someone to hold them together for a little while... and that's where my friends come in i guess :)

I heard this song on [V] today.. and thought i'd share. It's nice :)

  • Current Music
    Boytown DVD

i'm average... I suppose!!

according to the chart in the herald sun today, compared to most average females, i'm doing quite well!!
I'm 16cm taller than the average.
8kg heavier.
12cm smaller in the hips.
12.5cm smaller in the waist.
4.5 smaller in the bust.

I'm pretty bloody happy! haha!

In other news.. I went out last night, and it was a waste of $120 and 7hrs of my time. I hate this thing they call a night life in Hamilton. You can't go out to have a good time with out being molested by people too drunk to even speak. It's so sleazy the way they come up behind you and start rubbing themselves on your arse and thigh... and the words, "don't go away." or "fuck off" don't seem to register.

Oh well. Things will change i guess.

For the better :)
  • Current Music
    lost voyage

a milestone....

Well, today, my position as Front Office Manager became official with the (surprise) arrival of my own business cards!! Wooo!! I was -am- so excited.

I suppose it goes to show how mush hard work and dedication pays off... next step... who knows! move on forwards and upwards with Amelia & Tom or maybe venture out on my own, (with their full support i'm sure).. I won't have my own place for a little while at least.. but when i do... :)

just so excited! lol
  • Current Music
    Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory

oh man...

Hands down the best book I have read in a long long time.
Marley & Me by John Grogan.
If you have a dog, or have lost a dog or are even thinking of getting a dog, please please do yourself a favour, and read it!!

I have never laughed so hard, or cried so much while reading a book.. It details life with a crazy golden lab... from the bliss before a dog entered the newley weds life, to bringing him home, to discovering he is nuts, through miscarriage, through childbirth, moving, getting old, and eventually having to make the heart breaking decision to put him to sleep. So many of the stories ring true. And the overall theme of a dogs 100% loyal, faithful & unconditional companionship through good times and terrible served as such a fantastic reminder of my baby, Tammy a 13 year old black lab... Faithful companion since i was 11... now i'm 23 and she's showing the signs of age. She's seen me through so. bloody. much. and one thing i could always count on, was that she's always up for a cuddle or a play or a talk when no one else is. The day i get that phone call from mum and dad is a day i dread more than anything else.

Seriously, read the book. it'll change you, i'm serious.
  • Current Music

ahhh alas, another survey!!!

Birthday:9th September 1983
Birthplace:Hamilton, Vic
Current Location:The Flat, Hamilton, Vic
Eye Color:Greeny Bluey sometimes brownish :)
Hair Color:Mid brown with gold/blonde highlights
Right Handed or Left Handed:Righty
Your Heritage:Dad's English, Mum originates from Ireland
The Shoes You Wore Today:none... oh no i lie.. black ballet flats
Your Weakness:puppy dog eyes...
Your Fears:being alone.
Your Perfect Pizza:Ohhhh hot salami, cheese, ham, bacon, tomato paste & a bit of garlic...
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:My license! hahahaha!!
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:LOL!
Thoughts First Waking Up:"no wakey. snooze time."
Your Best Physical Feature:Ahhhh eyes? Hair? Personality? I don't know!
Your Bedtime:During the week 9:30-10:30pm... weekends any time i feel like it!
Your Most Missed Memory:Ummm pinky's parties? times at the go kart track? early morning romps with John?
Pepsi or Coke:Ohh Pepsi :)
MacDonalds or Burger King:Burger King for sure!!
Single or Group Dates:Single I think... I get a bit shy around large groups of people.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:No, just ordinary Bushells tea for me, none of that iced crap.
Chocolate or Vanilla:Vanilla. Vanilla everything!
Cappuccino or Coffee:Cappuccino? Nah, Latte or flat white for me. I'm not keen on lashings of froth.
Do you Smoke:Nope
Do you Swear:Yes... sometimes too much
Do you Sing:Yes, in the shower!
Do you Shower Daily:Of course!
Have you Been in Love:Yes
Do you want to go to College:No, not really... a little part of me wants to go for the experience, but i'm happy doing what i'm doing!
Do you want to get Married:Of course I do, one day.
Do you belive in yourself:Most of the time.
Do you get Motion Sickness:No, not really anymore... the shortest car trips used to make me feel so sick when i was younger tho.
Do you think you are Attractive:Hell no! lol. I guess i scrub up ok.
Are you a Health Freak:Umm, about one day a week I am!
Do you get along with your Parents:Yeah, I do actually, especially since I left home.
Do you like Thunderstorms:I LOVE thunderstorms.
Do you play an Instrument:Yep, I play the cello, & dabble in keyboard.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:Yes... NYE baby!
In the past month have you Smoked:No
In the past month have you been on Drugs:No...
In the past month have you gone on a Date:No.......
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:Umm, does Hamilton Central count? lol
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:Nope
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:No... One thing i miss about John is our sushi lunches...
In the past month have you been on Stage:Nope...
In the past month have you been Dumped:Nope, not in the last month
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:No... never done it!
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:No I haven't.
Ever been Drunk:Is this a trick question?
Ever been called a Tease:Yes.....
Ever been Beaten up:nope... yes! John used to hit me. Never to seriously tho.
Ever Shoplifted:Nope
How do you want to Die:Nicely.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:Happy more then anything...
What country would you most like to Visit:England.. or Italy. Any of Europe.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:In a boy? Blue.
Favourite Hair Color:Brown/dirty blonde
Short or Long Hair:As long as his hair isn't longer than mine, it's ok :)
Height:5'10'' or taller...
Weight:Doesn't really matter..
Best Clothing Style:Gosh, i don't know... As long as he's not in Check shirts & cowboy boots anything is ok!
Number of Drugs I have taken:Only tried ICE really...
Number of CDs I own:TOO MANY to count..
Number of Piercings:just my ears..
Number of Tattoos:none..
Number of things in my Past I Regret:Ummm one or two.

  • Current Music
    CKY Doco

a quiz

stolen from naif @ mypace...

Questions I Guarantee You've Never Answered.

1. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Umm I kissed Mark on the cheek @ new year.... and I guess I'd kiss him on the cheek again

2. What song describes your relationship status?
Falling - Staind....... "Falling is easy it's getting back up that becomes the problem..."  heh nail on the head. lol.

3. How much does your dog weigh?
Something like 27kg... she got weighed the other day at the Vet. Beautiful Lab.

4. Have you ever been in love?
Yeah, i fell hard.

5.Ever waxed your legs?
Yep, and other parts! ;)

6. Earrings or necklaces?
I wear sapphire earrings (my birthstone)... and a gold/white gold necklace on occasion, so both! :)

7. Who have you talked to most today?
Ohhh hard one. Probably Amelia actually... or Chef.

10. Color of your shirt?
It's my white work shirt today

11. How many years have you taken a language?
I did Italian for 3 years.... Ciao mi chiamo Cara, e tu? Come stai? So molto bene grazie.

12. Who's on speed dial at #1?
The Haymarket on the work Fax, Tom on the work phone and Voicemail on my mobile.

13. What color is your background on your computer mainly?
Black. :)

14. Do you wish on 11:11?
No, but I might.

15. Good advice if you ever go camping?
  Double check you've bought tent pegs, because Mark & Nathan aren't gonna be there every time with a bag of spares.

16. Are you a bad influence?
Maybe once upon a time... when I was 19.

17. What color are your eyes?
Ummm Blue with green flecks? I'm not sure.

18. Would you rather have your name or your siblings name?
Mine actually.

19. Would you do anything for someone?
Yeah. Friends & Family are number one. Work comes a close second. 

20. Have you ever been called a whore?
Not seriously!

21. favorite color(s)?
Black, Deep purple & chocolate brown... with bits of orange, green & red.

22. Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
Yes... too much. & in text messages too.

23. What song is on?
PANIC! at the disco - the only difference between martyrdom and suicide is press coverage....

24. Are your grades good?
yep... I got an enter of 91.2

25. Do you have any friends with benefits?
No.. I've given up that game.

27. Does your best friend have a myspace?
No. I don't have a best friend.

28. Who's page did you last visit?
Myspace page? Naife's to steal this survey!

29. Last time you went out to lunch?
Saturday with Renee to the Central

30. Do you watch the Gilmore Girls?
Arrrr no!

31. Have you ever enjoyed listening to Jack Johnson?
Umm he's ok.

32. Have you ever seen or enjoyed watching the O.C.?
I've never really been able to get into the O.C.

33. Do you have one or more Britney Spears C.D.s
No, just her first one.

34. Which radio stations are your favorites?
88.9 Mixx FM - yeah! lol.

35. Are you a Lost fanatic?
Once again, not really.

37. Do you have a song by Ozzy Osbourne in your library?
No surprisingly.

38. Alanis Morrisette?

39. Do you watch Family Guy regularly?
I've got some eps on the computer actually :)

40. King of the Hill?
When I catch it on TV late at night I'll watch it.

41. Do you read trashy romance novels often?
Nah. More into gruesome murder mystery based on fact.

42. Do you ever forget to give a Christmas/birthday present?
Yeah. But I make up for it big time.

43. Do you sing obnoxiously in the car?
No, I do in the shower! John used to be terrible for singing loudly and terribly. I'd get told off if i tried to join in!

44. Do you sing obnoxiously in the shower when no one's home?
Ahh I answered this one above! Yes, I sing everywhere really.

45. Have you ever watched a little kid's show when you were over 12?
Hell yeah! I love the ABC during school holidays!

[[The Necessary Love Questions That Aren't So Necessary]]

46. Have you ever pretended your crush was with you when they weren't?
I guess so. I've acted out conversation upon conversation in my head and vocally.

47. Did you draw pictures for your first crush back in elementary school?
No, didn't quite go that far... unless you count drawing cars with Johnny D and Adam in the back of math when we were supposed to be doing work.

48. Have you ever liked a girl/boy but didn't ask her/him out because you were afraid?
Yeah. Comes with low self confidence/esteem...

49. Have you ever written a poem or story about your life?
Yeah... I have notebooks full of poems and starts of stories. One day I'll publish.

50. Have you ever spent over an hour thinking about nothing but your crush?

51. Have you ever liked someone solely for their appearance?
No actually. I've felt attracted to people purely based on looks, but for me to really like someone, I've got to know who they are.

[[The Questions You Love:Completely and Utterly Pointless Ones]]

52. Do you eat all the servings in the food groups on a daily basis?
No. Well, i try to.. I usually eat too much of the bread & sugary foods one! lol!

53. Are you ever a freak about cleanliness or organization?
Yes, at work. And when i bring that mood home, I get to be a neat freak at home too.

54.Have you ever been out of the country?
Not yet... plan to one day.

55. Do you know how to knit?
I haven't knit in a loooooong time.

56. Do you have a cell phone or iPod with a patterned cover?
No... just a sexy black W810i

57.Have you ever written love song lyrics yourself and put them in your profile?
No.... but I should!

58.Do you keep a diary or journal online?
I have this blog....

59.When you open your closet, what is the dominant color?
Black. but I'm not emo or goth!
  • Current Music
    Pendulum - Sounds of Life

intelligent word.. run away now!

I had something really intelligent and significant to say, but it's clear left my mind.

I've got my plan sorted now. In the next month....
I'm going to work really hard on my fitness & obey my diet...  OBEY OBEY OBEY!!!
Make sure my hair looks extra spanky
buy some new clothes & shoes
get my license
and drive down to port mac, & pay John a surprise visit..... and show him who he's missing out on. :)

lol are so obsessed. gotta get over it.

Going to have another quiet weekend.Might kidnap brother & his girlie for vids one night, and renee another. Or i might even paint my flat... maybe.

Lost the cap on my tooth today... no new patients until June at one dentist, September at the other & no patients who aren't on government benefits at the other! Thank God for the one in Alexander parade... on the waiting list there, hopefully won't be too long, it hurts! lol (apart from the fact it looks God awful! lol

Speaking of God, it's struck me recently how religious i actually am. I'm not religious in the praise the Lord every Sunday at mass kind of thing, but i pray, in my own time, often. And i suppose i have a very strong belief on God, and a higher power, helping us out, and showing us the way. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and although  there are some fucked up reasons out  there, it's all part of God's bigger plan for us.  I have faith.  A  lot of faith. And i firmly believe that in times like what I've been through recently, I wouldn't have come through the other side if it wasn't for the faith and trust i have in that higher power.....

any way... fish cakes and vege for tea. YUM
  • Current Music
    nowt... just the fridge humming

sex in a saucepan

Boil some gnocchi & let cool...
saute some bacon & mushrooms... add a packet of masterfoods mushroom finishing sauce & simmer over a low heat..
fry off gnocchi's in garlic butter until crispy
pour over sauce...

YUM. who needs sex? lol
  • Current Music
    futurama on TV


Big Week. Huge week. Fun Week.
Restaurant re-opened on Wednesday, to rave reviews and awesome steaks! lol! I have to say, the place looked unreal... this deep purple, orange and dark red, with dark polished red highlights, tea light candles, red drop lights and polished silver cutlery on white serviettes. Mmmmm. Not even I can wait to eat there.

Things are really looking up at work. Can't really say much, as nothing is signed sealed or delivered yet.. buy hey, watch this space! lol.

I had a very lonely night last night. I hate friday and saturday nights now. They were two nights I could absolutley guarentee doing something with John... but now.. meh. I find myself avoiding organising things on those nights. avoiding people. I don't particulary want to go out. It's not something i find appealing. I hate going to the attic, wanting to dance with my female friends, and end up being touched and rubbed up against by random dudes who want a warm place to stick their dick that night, i hate it, I don't like the pubs, because they are filled with the same guys, in a more sober state. I guess it's quite anti social of me, and i can feel myself starting to draw back inside again. becoming wary, less trusting and reserved.

I want things the way they were i guess. kinda.

Ohh in other news, my ottoman & 2x2 book case arrived.... yay my flat looks great!! I bought a mirror to put over the book case and like 20 candles. My flat feels so cosy. visitors welcome, week nights only :)

Going for a drive with brother dearest tonight. Gotta get my license soon. :)

Take care and play safe kiddies!
  • Current Music
    Hide & Seek - Movie

My vow of celibacy (and other stories...)

I've had a few people ask my why I've taken this little vow of celibacy, so i guess i'll explain... it's not something new.... it's a little promise I made myself in September.

Above and beyond everything, it's about respect. Respect I have for myself, and Respect that other people have for me.

And yes, it is John who has triggered this all off.

I think that sex confuses a situation. Especially from a females point of view, sex brings in other emotions, over-protectiveness, jealousy, lust etc. These are all emotions that don't particulary render a positive reaction from the opposite sex. In the relationships I've been in, where sex has come before any sort of 'serious relationship' has been established, I've fallen and fallen hard, (only to have my heart broken, time and time again.) It's seemed that they boy's i've been involved with felt the same. And i think i confuse reciprocation of those emotions with perhaps more simply me being their to give them what they want, when ever they want, and getting a pretty cushy ride at the same time with no real intent to stick around for the long haul.

So since John and i ended, I sat back and had a long look at myself, and him, and previous relationships, and i think that i slept with them so quickly, as a way to reel them in. Get them to want me and like me, because my opinion of myself, and self esteem is so low, i felt this was the only way. I don't see myself as being desireable or wanted. I'm just me. Forever the best friend, never the girlfriend. That is why i guess i went out of my way to do everything possible to make john happy... spend $350 on him for a wrestling ticket, buy thousands of dollars worth of stereo gear for him, walk to Robco's at 4am for a  hot dog in the middle of winter, spend all day detailing his car..... I could continue the list for ever.... but the point is, no respect was won from him for it all, if there was, it wouldn't have ended the way it has. I was still treated like dirt, hidden away, and expected to be ready for him 24/7, at his beck and call. Relationships do not work like that. Life does not work like that.

Perhaps if I had gotten to know John more before sleeping with him, then I wouldn't have even gone there. But, because we were intimate, I had all of these extra feelings inside my head, confusing the subject. Or perhaps if I had gotten to know John more, we'd be happy and still together, because he would have had to taken the time to get to know the real me to get into my pants.

So this is where the vow comes into play. I am not going to sleep with another person until I am one hundred and 10 percent sure that they RESPECT me, and care for me. Support me & Listen to me. Until I know they love me, and they've shown this in more than just words. So that way, I can be sure I feel the same way, with out all of the emotion's that sex brings in. Sex should be special, shared with some one special. I know this now. If I had my time again, I would change everything.

Making them wait, making me wait, will separate the Mr-Rights from the Mr Right-for-now's. If they respect me, and want me, the relationship will not be purely based around sex, thus doomed for failure from the start. They will wait for me. And hopefully, i'm worth the wait.

SO in other news, I has a nice quiet weekend... on saturday  I  cooked fried gnocchi for my brother and his girlfriend then sat around watching movies while we dyed & cut his hair.... then had a lazy house cleaning day today....It was nice!

Can't wait to get back to work 2morrow... relaunch of the restaurant on Tuesday, and i'm sure there'll be lot's to do!! yay!
Speaking of work, we had Chippie Dave down on Wednesday, and sat up until 1am with him while he was doing reno's on the restaurant. He is one of the coolest men I know. So fun, and crazy, and retro, and honest, and real, and genuine.... plus, he makes a good conversation partner.... conversation's don't end up being just about him, or just about me.... it's good. Last time he was down we sat talking until the wee hours also, he was the first person I properly spoke to about John & I splitting - and he remembered!! He remembered ost of the conversation... much impressed!

Anyways I'm off to add to my scrap book of Hotel ideas.... I've given myself a goal of having my own place in 18-24 months... fingers crossed eh? I'll hire my brother as my business partner, and Simone as my head front office girl, and Dave as my carpenter... and Mark as my techie! :)

Take Care...
Car xx
  • Current Music
    nowt, dude where's my car DVD